before this,i used to show my feelings and emotions towards the one i love because i thought it was really important to show whatever you felt inside towards that person.i tend to do anything in order to make that person realize how much i treasure and appreciate him as somebody special in my life.i wouldn't mind if there were many bad things i heard about him as long as i know him.yes,i knew him inside out.he couldn't keep anything from me because at the end of the day,i would know all the shits he left or made.seriously i wouldn't mind.i thought he would be the last person i love which means that we would end up getting married and have a wonderful journey ahead as an item.
but..we are just human.we can only plan but He has the answer and whatever happen is written by Him.we could just Redha and accept everything wholeheartedly without questions.
now,we lead our own life.i am happy with what i have and with who i am now.so does my Past.my Past has his own life as well,and hopefully he's happy with the life he choose.
but,being with my Future,i am not able to show that much feelings and emotions as what i used to give and show before.it's not that i don't want to be fair or i still think that there is still some hope with my Past but i am so scared that whatever happened to me before will happen again.i mean,my Future will do whatever my Past used to do.i know it's not fair to my Future for having to undergo this phase because i know my Future is not like that.but i just can't help it.i am effin scared.it's not fair for my Future but i really don't want to end up like before.HACK!
i know my Future loves me for who i am and willingly accepted me for whatever happened to me before.my Future is my best friend who will always be there for me under any circumstances and is ready to offer his shoulder for me to cry and lean on to.i couldn't be happier and thankful for that.
i love him too but i don't know how to show what i am supposed to show.i know some times my Future feels neglected and offended of what i said and done but he never gave up on me.it vividly shows in his eyes every time we argue for what he is supposed to get but he didn't.i know he is sad.i am so sorry for that.but please know that i really treasure this relationship and we are going to go one step ahead soon so i hope you will be patient and always be there for me and us.
i'll try my best to change and give you whatever you are supposed to get.you are the most important person in my life after my family.you are my strength.i just need you to be patient.je t'aime =)
i am having a wonderful life with my Future now and insyaallah forever.
loving her Future;
Tim
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